JoeTucker’s Weblog

I fear coming into this post that my fetish for alliteration will result in this being a rather disjointed post; which really is no matter to me at all, for who can expect a jointed post after one has been working on his thesis for a couple hours.

I had the joy of studying the book of Philippians one summer at Camp Carl. I actually had the entire book memorized at one point! (I have since forgot it in its entirety, but assuredly could recite the most of it still) Needless to say I learned much from the book. I actually enjoyed Philippians so much that I tattooed Philippians 1:21, “But for me to live is Christ, and to die is gain” on my left calf in Hebrew (yeah, I know that Philippians was probably written in Greek, but I think Hebrew looks cooler, Greek letters remind me too much of math symbols, and it’s my calf so I can do what I want).

However there was one verse that I continually had problems understanding (in all honesty there was more than one verse I didn’t understand, but this verse took the focus of my attention): Philippians 3:10-11

“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead”

This was Paul after explaining how he considered all things a loss compared to the joy of knowing Christ. Paul was expressing his deepest desire as a Christian. Here’s how I initially understood it:

I want to know Christ- Sweet! Me too! Up to this point Paul and I are on the same page. He wants to know Christ, I want to know Christ.

and the power of his resurrection- Again, I am in. I also want to know the power of his resurrection. Both Paul and I want to know Christ and know the power of His resurrection. And I got excited to be on the same line of thought as Paul. He wanted to know Christ, so did I. He wanted to experience the power of his resurrection, so did I. I remember making this verse my new life verse or something. How great does that sound, “I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection!” What a great verse! then I got to the next part…

and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings- and there’s the disjoint. I was down for knowing Christ. I was all about knowing the power of His resurrection, but this…what does that even mean, “the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings?” It didn’t initially have the same enticement that the first two parts of the verse had.  Did Paul mean to say that he wanted to suffer? Was Paul implying that to know Christ and His resurrection would mean to know suffering? I just didn’t have much of a clue.

 becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead”- Now at this point I was more or less loss with what the verse meant. And for that summer when I studied Philippians, I just casually bounced over this confusing verse. I would just sneak off to verse 12 and the whole “pressing on to take hold of that which Christ Jesus took hold of me” verse.

Yet now I find myself again wondering what this verse means. And in the light of a host of life decisions I again wonder how much my desires align with Paul’s desires here. I find myself still desiring to know Christ. I find myself still desiring to know the power of His resurrection. And then I found another desire at work within me, the desire to please everyone.

(I fear my thought may become disjointed at any moment now, so brace yourself dear reader) As I have dealt with the repetitive barrage that is the question “what are you doing with your life?” I have found myself adjusting the answer to please the questioners ears. For example, if my advising professors were to inquire what I was doing, I would reply, “Well I’m looking into programs in economic growth.” And when my friends from school would casually ask me what I’d be up to next year, I’d state that I’m looking into living in a big city and doing some volunteer stuff there for a while. And when my extended family would ask me what I had planned I would tell then that I wasn’t entirely sure, but that I always had teaching math as a back-up.

And there’s the disjoint. Do you want to hear that I’m going to get more education? Then I’ll twist what I’m doing to make it look that way. Do you want to hear that I’m going to do somthing exciting in a big city? I’ll tell you its an option of mine. Do you want to hear that I have a back-up plan and am being financially responsible then that’s what I’ll tell you.

Because who wants to hear that I want to know the fellowship of sharing in the sufferings of Christ. That doesn’t please the ears of those casually asking life questions. Who wants to hear that I desire poverty if it means sharing his Word? Who wants to hear that I would forsake education for a chance to serve? Who wants to hear that I would rather give money away then save it up? 

Few do. and seldom have I said these things. (Even more seldom have I actually believed them,  ”Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” –allright, now Paul and I are once again on the same wavelength)

So, what does it mean to want to share in the fellowship of the sufferings of Christ. I still don’t really know. But I imagine it starts with me telling those around me what I really want. Telling them that I want to serve Christ, not giving them a sugar-caoted response that sounds sweet to their ears.

Grace and peace