Faith and Family, moreover my faith and my family…
It’s Thanksgiving Eve. I just attended The Chapel’s Thanksgiving eve service and sat with my family. My sister, B, couldn’t come so after service we went to the restaurant where she works, chatted with her, and then gave her a fat tip. I came home (not to my parent’s house but to the Manastery) to sleep in the house since Akron’s crime rate is on the up and holidays are always a high break-in time. Tomorrow I plan on seeing my extended family, eating food together, laughing much, playing board games, watching silly movies, celebrating new life (my cousins had a kid!), cherishing old life. Thanksgiving America intended it to be.
And this doesn’t make me uneasy. Rather I love these moments. I have long since outgrown the stages of life when I considered my family an embarrassment; so much so that I feel free to take my Mom out for lunch despite the fact that she carries a duck-call in her purse and has been known to use it on occasion.
And yet, there’s this verse in Luke. This pesky verse that in all honesty I almost wish wasn’t there. But it is. And it’s truth. And it cuts into my very soul:
Luke 14:25-27 “Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.”
It’s a hard pill to swallow. In fact, I don’t think I ever have. That’s why this verse haunts me. I feel like this verse is a contract to which I have signed but never lived up to. Ahh I digress, let me start from the very beginning, (a very good place to start)
What does this verse mean:
Although I am all for starting to take the words of Christ more literally, this is a clear example of hyperbole: obvious and intentional exaggeration. (as provided by dictionary.reference.com). I am confident that Jesus does not call us to “hate” our families. This confidence is reinforced upon a further review of the Bible, and God’s call for families and their importance.
So what does this verse mean? I have always been instructed that it means we are to live as if our love for JEsus would so outshine our love for our families/wives/own lives that it would appear that we “hate” our families/wives/own lives.
Others have told me that it simply means that we need to make sure that we love Jesus more than anything else. Period. Simple as that.
Ehhh (a sigh of exasperation) I don’t know…
So what gets me is that I’m trying to love Jesus more than everything else, but in turn I end up loving life, loving my family, and well, I’m very single right now (for a host of reasons that I may never post about), but anyways. I don’t know what it means to “hate” my own life. I love life. Everyday, love it, well most days at least.
And I can see my own logical and theological fallacies here. I know that Christ doesn’t call us to a life of self hate, but to a life to the fullest. And I know that it’s not wrong to love your family. But there’s still that verse…
Its as if I have no authority over that verse, because it has seldom been true for me. I’ve never had to choose my family or God’s kingdom, the two have always gone hand in hand for me (and for this I am very grateful and theologically bewildered…). And because I have never undergone this form of discipleship I can’t really explain this verse, because I just don’t know. I’ve never had to.
Let me try an analogy. I had a friend from camp Krista, who said that she could teach me how to do a roundhouse kick, but that she couldn’t do it herself. I scoffed at her (it was summer camp I wasn’t being mean, just playfully coy) and told her she was being ridiculous, “How can you teach me to do something if you’ve never done it yourself?” It was one of our inside joke/arguments all summer long.
But the same is true for this verse. I don’t know what it means. I’ve never done it (or at least I’ve never felt like I’ve done it(curse this post-modern culture and our obsession with feelings haha). SO how do I have any authority to teach on it? How can I claim a verse that I have never experience it, and if I’ve never experienced it, am I truly a disciple??
My resolution (and this is big news): I’m leaving. I’m not entirely sure where or how or what it will entail, but I am confident that by next year’s time I will be somewhere else serving. My next year’s Thanksgiving maybe I’ll look back at this post as I’m doing whatever I end up doing and know deeper what this verse means as I pine for my families fellowship and company.
And the world will say “Why doesn’t he come home for Thanksgiving, does he hate his family? Why spend the holidays with____, when you could go home??” And I’ll know (or at least I think I’ll know). I’ll know a little fuller (until that One Day when I fully know) what discipleship means.
Until then, I’m going to love life and love my family (and try to figure out the whole wife thing…) not in defiance of the Lord’s command, but in obedience, showing my family the love of Christ, living each day for others and for God, not myself (as best as can each day…)
and I’ll be thankful for what He has given me. A family that supports my decisions. Parents that are still together. Two sisters that I love. A sweet dog. a fun, youthful, exciting extended family. 4 grandparents that are still alive! deep friendships. ne’er a night spent bored or lonely. an amazing community to live with. an amazing life.
and I’ll anxiously await the day I give it up, for Him, for His kingdom, for His promise.
because He’s better by far.
grace and peace
alex petz said,
November 23, 2007 at 10:22 am
jo
i think you’re taking this verse wildly out of context. hang on to it for awhile, read the big chunk before it, and after it. read about when Jesus’s mother and brothers came to see him and waited outside.
think about what it means to be close to your father…
we’ll talk about sometime.
it was kind of earth shattering.
Christopher said,
November 23, 2007 at 7:44 pm
Joe,
Take a gander at Luke 14:33 “In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.”
For what it’s worth I think that your take on what you’ve received as instruction regarding Luke14:25-27 is on-track with Jesus’ intent. The idea behind Luke 14:25-27, is as you stated: Jesus wasn’t saying to actually hate family and others in order to follow him, rather your Love for Him should be so strong and passionate, that the love for anyone else would look like hate when the two are compared/contrasted. Consider the fact that Jesus being God in flesh, and having a distinct nature of being a Loving God, can not/does not do anything opposite or counter to His nature. It would then seem to make sense that Jesus was using a word opposite of His nature (as the Father), to drive home the point of how deep our love for Him should be.
Consider also, the four types of love, specifically storge and agape which would fit the context of your post and the contrast between the two : storge, phiia, eros and agape, .
STORGE: is fondness through familiarity, especially between family members or people who have otherwise found themselves together by chance.
PHILIA: means friendship in modern Greek, a dispassionate virtuous love
EROS: is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing
AGAPE: In biblical literature, its meaning and usage is illustrated by self-sacrificing, giving love to all–both friend and enemy, unconditional love
Notice in Luke 14:27 Jesus says: “And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.” in a way, i think that there’s a double -meaning to this.
“follow me” as in the sense of duplicate my efforts (”just as I sacrificed for you by going to the cross, you too must sacrifice [crucify your flesh, figuratively]) for my sake”.
“follow me” also meaning as in “I will lead you, my flock.”
The sacrifice(s) are not necessarily all physical, but in giving up what is near and dear as well if that is what the Father commands as a means to be strengthened in our walk or purpose.
An additional thought comes from John 15:13 when Jesus says: “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” I believe that Jesus was saying (not bragging mind you): ” You wanna know about love? Let me tell you what true love is.. true love is to sacrifice, to give up what you want and desire most (life, peace,personal safety,happiness, comfort) in order to ensure that your friend’s spiritual well being may be improved. That’s true Love”.
A final thought to all of this is in Matthew 22:36-40:
36″Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37Jesus replied: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Repeatedly the theme is L-O-V-E, perhaps God knows that we’re a little thick in the skull and was ensuring that we got the message ; )
Apologies for blowing up your “blog minutes” with the response. (long-winded)
Grace and peace be with you.
Anne said,
November 24, 2007 at 9:54 am
Thanks for this post, and for letting me see into your mind and struggles. As someone who has been away from home for two Thanksgivings now, here are a few thoughts that are not really biblical but from experience. If and when you go away (which I support, although Akron will miss you, and which I would like to chat with you about when I’m home), you will probably notice that, in the words of Kalil Gibran:
“When you part from your friend, you grieve not; For that which you love most in
him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from
the plain. ”
I think this is true of family. Leaving your family will not change your affection for them, if anything, it will make it stronger. So the passage about “hating your family” will be no less true when you are away than when you are at home. Clearly Jesus did call us for sacrifice, love, and did not call us to a life of comfort. However, leaving your family to fulfill that particular verse will probably not work, either.
I look forward to chatting about this in person! And to getting to see my family and friends after more than a year of being away!
joditucker said,
November 24, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Joe—-we saw this coming! I will just have to send my pistachio marble cake recipe to whoever you may end up with at Thanksgiving, 2008 OR if you host Thanksgiving somewhere—–I’ll send it to you!!…….Otherwise, you’re always welcome at home!
Please talk to Anne. She seems wise!! We will have to find someone who can be crazy with Frodo, the psycho dog, though! We had many years away from AKron prior to 1991 with Thanksgivings and Christmas’s and they were more difficult for me than for your Dad…….love you, Mum
Hillary said,
November 26, 2007 at 1:11 am
i appreciate your feelings on these verses
i have to say, it pricked my heart a little bit to hear you say that you were leaving. akron will suffer your loss.
but
i am excited to see you go out from here, and what you will do
I Love You So Much That I Hate You said,
November 28, 2007 at 11:30 pm
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